


Understand Me

by rosemarygreen



Category: Depeche Mode
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Gen, Humour, Irreverent but Loving, Out of Character (maybe), rude language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-16
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-12-30 13:57:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12110214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosemarygreen/pseuds/rosemarygreen
Summary: The curse of creative differences. Or how these guys never got along all through these years (up to the early 2000s, that is).





	Understand Me

*****

Martin: Hey, Vince, it’s a great tune, but can we add a bit more darkness and anxiety to it?

Vince: No, Martin, it’s _my_ song, and I want it to be upbeat. Be off with your Throbbing Gristle ideas.

Dave: Hey, Vince, why can’t I sing “pretty girl” instead? Everyone will think I’m queer.

Vince: You don’t understand, Dave. Shut up and sing what I wrote.

Andy: Hey, Vince, don’t you think you’re a cuss to work with?

Vince: Maybe, Andy, but wasn’t it me who put us where we are now?

Daniel Miller: Quit quoting the Human League if you don’t wanna end up like them, you awesome foursome. Studio time’s running out.

 

*****

Alan: Martin, I’ve just finished the mixing.

Dave: And I’ve just got this fucking chorus right.

Martin: …

Andy: And I’ve arranged three new concert dates for us, Mart. Mart? Are you with us?

Martin: What? I wasn’t listening. Oh, keep up the good work, guys. You can do better than that. 

 

*****

The Almighty: Knock-Knock!

Martin: Who’s there?

The Almighty: God.

Martin: God who?

The Almighty: Got a new song for you.

 

*****

Dave: Martin, please, listen to my songs, won’t you?

Martin: Well, you know…

Dave: Just tell me what you think… Are they good? Are they bad?

Martin: Christ, Dave, I’m not a record reviewer. Go read the NME or the Q.

Dave: Why would I want to know what Jon Somebody thinks of my songs? I need _your_ opinion. Aren’t you curious to learn what’s going on in the head of someone you’ve been working with for, like, twenty years?

Martin: I know it all too well.

Dave: Damn it, Mart, I’ve spent thousand hours closely listening to your songs all through these years, and you can’t find one fucking hour to spare for my album? How can you be so fucking selfish? Should I tie you up and play you the songs?

Martin: There, there, Dave, don’t go Basildon all over again. Why do you have to be such a spanner?

 

*****

Dave: ( _on the phone_ ) Yeah, Mart, sure I’ve got a number for a chiropractor, but I won’t tell you until you’ve listened to my album.

 

*****

Dave: No, Martin, I won't sing this song. Don't ask me. 

Martin: Why, Dave?

Dave: It's creepy! And you're psychic! Every song you write comes true for me. I don't want to get into troubles you're writing about... again. 

 

*****

Martin: ( _at a press conference_ ) Our songs always offer light at the end of the world. If you can’t see it, you must’ve looked elsewhere.

Audience: OK, Mr. Gore, tell us when does this light switches on in a song like “Barrel of a Gun”?

Martin: It was there when I was writing it. I don’t remember where. We’re a democracy. Somebody might have blocked it on the way. You know, our singer loves to dress in black.

 

*****

Martin: Whatever, Dave, but you’re not gonna have your songs on my group’s album.

Dave: _Your_ group? It’s as much yours as it is mine. It’s maybe even more mine than yours!

Martin: Yes, but you can’t have all of your songs on our record.

Dave: Then there’s no sodding way you’re gonna have _me_ on the album. Hear that? I won’t sing your songs. I’ll never sing a word of yours anymore, got that?

Martin: Nonsense!

Dave: No fucking way, Mart. Sing them yourself!

Martin: Why, I _will_.

Dave: Yeah, then we’ll see how many people will turn up for your gigs. Probably ten.

Martin: Ten thousand?

Dave: _Just_ ten. And you’ll never dance the way I can, anyway.

Martin: So, it’s an ultimatum?

Dave: Yeah. I have my own stuff. I’ll sing them.

Martin: You know people only come to your shows to watch you wiggle your bum and sing Depeche songs, so get real.

Dave: _You_ can’t even do that.

Martin: Well then –

Dave: Well then –

Martin: Maybe not _half_ an album?

 

*****

Martin: ( _at a press conference_ ) Get another singer? Are you kidding? I don’t know any other singers in this world apart from him. And me. And David Bowie. Listen, it took me so long to get used to _this_ one I wouldn’t risk to try again. I’m a one-man man.

Dave: _(grins)_.

 

*****


End file.
